Anger Management and Asperger’s, Part II: The Feeling of Anger

Anger management skills are important for everyone, not just those with Asperger’s and autism. But for those on the spectrum, managing anger may be especially difficult. In my post of 10/1/09, I discussed understanding anger. In today’s post, I’ll be discussing the actual physical sensation of anger.

Like all emotions, anger comes with a physical feeling. And that’s important, because often that physical feeling is the first subtle clue that the emotion is present. Many individuals experience anger as a tightness in the hands, arms, and jaw. Some people may get a stomachache or a headache. What’s of interest is how you specifically experience anger.
For many of my clients on the autism spectrum, they are more comfortable with reason and intellect, and may be less attuned to the sensations in their bodies. For those with sensory issues, the physical sensations in their bodies may be so overwhelming that they try to tune them out. Whatever the reason, disconnecting from the physical may mean that subtle, early signs of anger are not recognized.
It’s possible to re-experience all the feelings of anger just by remembering an upsetting event. This may be the perfect opportunity to tune in to your experience, without feeling as overwhelmed as when you’re actually in an angry situation. The next time you’re remembering something that made you angry, close your eyes and scan your body. Note what feels different. This is how your body reacts to anger.


Recognizing anger is an important step in managing it. Look for upcoming posts for further info on this topic.

What Happens After High School?

The transition from high school to adulthood is a crucial time in the lives of many young adults on the Autism Spectrum, and it requires careful planning. I encourage the families I work with to start the planning process early. Many local resources, schools and supports groups may offer information, but frequently these events are only offered annually, so parents need to start gathering information early in the high school years. Get on those email lists!

As an example, here in San Francisco’s East Bay, The Orion Academy holds a post secondary transition seminar annually in March. The Springstone School has a monthly group for parents of children transitioning from high school, which is open to all families in the community. This year the Alameda County Public Health Department held their Transition Information Faire in March. I believe planning for the next faire is underway, and it is tentatively scheduled for March of 2010. Contra Costa’s Faire was in January, 2009, and I’m not sure what their plans are for next year.

One website that is useful no matter where in the country you live, is Inside College.com’s lists of Very Friendly Schools for Students with Asperger’s, and Friendly Schools for Students with Asperger’s. College is a big step, especially for those who are moving away from mom and dad, and finding an environment that offers extra support may mean the difference between success and failure.

In spite of the budget cuts, there is still some good information available from government agencies. For example, here in California, the Department of Developmental Services has a number of informative and relevant links and downloads.

Good career counseling is crucial for special needs individuals who are making the transition to adulthood. Individuals on the autism spectrum frequently have unique strengths and abilities, and highlighting those areas in career planning cannot be done too early. If your school doesn’t offer career planning, or they don’t seem to understand your child’s specific needs and strengths, you can find a therapist or career professional who can work with your family individually.

The whole transition process requires a lot of work and advance planning, mostly by parents. But I’ve learned from my clients that it’s much tougher to catch up if the steps aren’t taken early. Please consider taking some time now to research your own child’s options.

Thinking About Other’s Minds

Rebecca Saxe is a neuroscientist at MIT, studying Theory of Mind. Theory of Mind is the understanding about how we think about ourselves and others, or as Simon Baron-Cohen phrased it in Theory of Mind in Normal Development and Autism, (2001), “to be able to reflect on the contents of one’s own and other’s minds.” This is an important concept from the viewpoint of autism and Asperger’s, because many researchers attribute deficits in Theory of Mind to some of the struggles those on the autism spectrum might be having.

Rebecca Saxe has been researching the brain using fMRI, and identified the region, called the Right Temporo-Parietal Junction, that is activated when we’re thinking about other’s thoughts You can hear a brief, but informative and entertaining talk by her on Ted.com, titled How We Read Each Other’s Minds. She talks about her work and also demonstrates some interviews with children of various stages of development. You have to register, but the site is free, and full of fascinating presentations.

Local Bay Area Special Education Resource

Special education and the legal issues surrounding it are very complex topics. Parents need to know their rights and responsibilities, and what their child is entitled to. For parents in the San Francisco Bay Area, the Leigh Law Group is presenting a workshop for parents and professionals on Special Education: Rights to Related Services in the Public Schools. The training event is November 14th, 2009, in San Francisco, and it’s only $10.00. 
I’ll state right up front that I’m not familiar with this group, and I don’t know the presenters, but the topic is so crucial, I’m guessing this could be a valuable morning. I think they run these regularly, so you might want to get on the mailing list. If you do attend, please send me a note and let me know how the presentation was.

Book Review: Mother in the Middle by Sybil Lockhart

Mother in the Middle is a fascinating book, a moving and personal memoir of a woman’s experience with raising small children while at the same time caring for a parent with Alzheimer’s. But the author is also a neurobiologist, and she beautifully interweaves her own technical perspective into the work. It’s this unique juxtaposition that makes this memoir stand out from others.

Usually, I review books about careers, business, social skills or autism and Asperger’s on this blog. And this is not a book about any of those topics. But I think it’s appropriate for this blog anyway. Human development, mental illness, emotions, thoughts, behavior and personality are all controlled by our nervous systems, but we’re still at the early stages of understanding those systems. For those of us who aren’t neuroscientists, making the connection between the brain structures and human experiences can be especially difficult. This book makes those connections. Life events and biology come together clearly. The fact that the author is also a teacher makes her explanations that much clearer.

As an example, at one point in the book the author narrates an event where her mother completely forgets about an important loan she made. The memoir moves smoothly from discussing the event to describing what’s actually taking place in her mother’s changing brain. The technical explanations are beautifully balanced with the honest and insightful experiences the author and her mother are going through. The growth and development of her children's abilities contrast dramatically with her mother's declines.

I love books that combine the personal with science. Maybe that’s because I’m an engineer as well as a therapist and coach. But, I think examples help all of us understand, and true life examples can really make a technical discussion come to life. That’s what this book does so well.

Book Review: No More Meltdowns by Jed Baker, Ph.D.

No More Meltdowns by Jed Baker, Ph.D. is an excellent resource for parents trying to deal with their child’s out of control behavior, whether the kids have a diagnosis or not. This book is straightforward, with a simple step by step plan for dealing with tantrums and meltdowns. At the same time, there are plenty of detailed examples that show how to fit the simple plan to complex situations.
Certainly parenting is tougher when children have special needs, like an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), Asperger’s or Attention Deficit (ADHD or ADD). And frequently these parents have to also deal with harsh judgment from the world every time their kids act up. Too often, parents are simply told to be firm, be consistent, take control, and their kids will behave. Well, what should parents do if they are firm and consistent, and it still doesn’t help? This book offers some solutions, and since the author has experience dealing with special needs kids, the ideas are realistic and practical for all families.
Baker acknowledges the basic rule of of child rearing, using consistent rewards and consequences. And that’s a good place for all parents to start. But he quickly moves beyond that to a four step plan of action for when this basic plan just doesn’t work. His model begins with accepting the child, then moves on to de-escalating a meltdown, understanding why the meltdowns are occurring in the first place and preventing future meltdowns.   
The real heart of the book is its detailed analysis to understand why meltdowns are occurring, and the techniques to set up a plan to prevent them in the future. Baker breaks down the different issues that might cause problems, then methodically explains how to change the triggers causing the tantrums, teaching the child skills to deal with the triggers, and how to set up a system of rewards and losses.
One thing I really appreciated in No More Meltdowns was the way that Baker exhibits respect and understanding of the children and parents in his examples. These aren’t presented as bad, out of control kids, with ineffective parents. Instead Baker acknowledges the difficulties of these tough situations and focuses on both short term crisis management and also long term skill building. This is a book I’ll be sure to recommend to my clients.

Anger Management and Asperger's Part 1: Understanding Anger

Anger management is an problem for many individuals, whether or not they have Asperger’s or an ASD. It’s one of the topics that gets searched for most frequently by readers of this blog. In an earlier post I referenced an Anger Management article I wrote for Autism Asperger’s Digest Magazine, but until now I haven’t written anything on anger management specifically for this blog. Because anger management is such a big topic, I’m not going to attempt to cover it all in one post.

We’ve all had that feeling of anger growing, and getting out of control. Sometimes when we lose our tempers, a part of us may even know it’s happening, but the anger still seems to have taken on a life of its own. Anger management techniques can help us manage before the situation gets out of control.

With my therapy clients who are dealing with ADHD, autism, or Asperger’s and anger, I start by exploring what anger is. Most important: anger is not a bad emotion! Anger is powerful, strong and it drives people to make changes in situations that just aren’t working. So the point is not to eradicate anger, but to control it. To manage it.

Another important fact about anger is that the emotion often exists concurrently with other emotions. People may react with rage when what they’re really feeling is disappointment, shame or guilt, fear, or sadness. All of those other emotion can have an aspect of weakness and powerlessness. It may feel safer and more empowered to shift that helpless feeling over to the power of rage. I often ask clients to reflect on what the emotion behind the anger is. What’s the uncomfortable feeling the anger covers?

Next we’ll explore the physical sensation of anger and how important that knowledge can be for managing it. Please check back for further posts !